CitY Girl.. Country MousE?
I’m Baaaaaaaaaaaaaack!…Heh
Can’t wait to visit y’all and see whatcha been writin bout and reporting on but inna mean time………..
Still can’t bring mahself to read a paper…sooooooooo here’s installment one on “What I did on my Summer Vacation”…ha
This city girl decided to play some tennis one night in ole San Antonio.
Got there, grabbed me racket and headed to my side of the court whereupon I spy these “creatures” all over the court…huge, black things crawlin everywhere!
Now my buddy Gayle warned be bout fire ants and grasshoppers and most of y’all warned me bout the Texas heat but… this!?…. Yikes!
Assuming they’re baby blood sucking dinosaurs I instantly have a panic attack whereupon “Biff”, (that’s what my southern friends call hubby..heh) says to me….Ah. let’s play anyway: “JUST DON’T LOOK DOWN”.
Well seein Biff is sucking it up and bein all macho, I figure ok ok ok..I’m jus bein a silly city girl…what’s the worst that could happen eh.
I’m tryin to hit, desperately tryin NOT TO LOOK DOWN, or accidentally crush one of the monsters under my sneaks…when some of them start flying!
At this point, I’m convinced I will hit one with my smashing backhand and they will send their entire family to suck the blood offa ma neck.
Along comes a sweet lil Southern belle with braids and all to play on the court next to us…I meekly saunter over to her and ask:
“Excuse me hun, what are these bugggggggggs?”
“Oh, ya mean the crickets?”, she giggles in a sweet Suthern accent.
(Um..crickets?..(But of course, I knew that…pffftt!)
“So, errr…I guess they don’t bite, I sheepishly ask her as she chokes back a laugh.
“No, I promise they don’t bite”, she giggles.
At which point she tosses off her flip flops and proceeds to play barefoot, seemingly unconcerned bout squishing one of the blood sucking dinosaurs under her sweet lil Suthern toes.
I hang my head and return to my court, quickly lifting it recalling Biff’s mantra” DON’T LOOK DOWN!”
Need I report that I lost both sets 6-0, 6-0? 
On the way out, sweet lil Suthern thang’s boyfriend is at the gate holdin somethin in his hand.
He hollers…Hey, since y’all are from New York, wouldya like to see a snake?
OK sweet friends, who wants to place bets on how many miles per hour I did as I bolted out off that court and back to the safe confines of my air conditioned hotel room?…ha
Now all ya Suthern folk can poke fun at me…but last time an outta towner came to NYC, I had to hold his hand the entire subway ride downtown..cuz some “humans” in the big city are scarier than any “creatures” y’all got down there…………so mock all ya want…but jus remember:
Payback’s a #$%@! ……..ha
Let the MockFest begin!
Sharing city life with my friends over at Perri Nelson’s Website, DeMediacratic Nation, Big Dog’s Weblog, Right Truth, Maggie’s Notebook, Leaning Straight Up, The Amboy Times, Conservative Cat, Pursuing Holiness, third world county, Wake Up America, The World According to Carl, Pirate’s Cove, Nuke’s news and views, Blue Star Chronicles, Gulf Coast Hurricane Tracker, and Dumb Ox Daily News, thanks to Linkfest Haven Deluxe.
June 26th, 2007 at 11:13 am
Now the crickets eat scorpions and spiders and other things that might hurt you.
The bad thing is they get into anything, then die, then stink.
Did you enjoy some fine Texas food? San Antonio has some good stuff.
June 26th, 2007 at 11:17 am
Vampiric mafiosa crickets sending their entire families after you in revenge. Now that’s an interesting image.
Glad you’re back Angel!
June 26th, 2007 at 11:23 am
Wooooo did i miss you!!!
Welcome Back!!!!
June 26th, 2007 at 11:24 am
did ya get pics of thall black things? Maybe they were mooslims?
June 26th, 2007 at 11:46 am
Oh Angel, you are so funny. I was waiting for some rare species, and it was crickets? You’ve been in the North way too long, gal. hee hee Welcome back.
June 26th, 2007 at 12:36 pm
Here’s an intersting bit of trivia about crickets: the female has ears on her front legs (some human males probably think that women have the same anatomy since they talk down to them!).
To attract those females, male crickets rub their forewings together to produce a chirping sound. I suppose if the female is willing there is not much distance between her ears and her spreading legs.
Now that I have left that image in your head, welcome back.
June 26th, 2007 at 12:38 pm
Glad you’re back, and glad to hear you survived your encounter with those vicious crickets!
June 26th, 2007 at 1:11 pm
Iran incursion into Iraq, why is the media silent?…
I think it’s worth noting that the International Atomic Energy Agency (IAEA) announce they are going to Iran on the same day that Iranians invade Iraq. Sounds just a little too convenient for me. I reported yesterday that the British…
June 26th, 2007 at 1:48 pm
HAH! Snakes kinf of spook me too, but one chop with a hoe, and they become almost friendly!
You lucky dog. San Antonio is the hottest place on Earth in June, but I bet you had fun! Did you do seaworld and the riverwalk?
June 26th, 2007 at 2:23 pm
Angel you are hysterical. You had me laughing so hard I ALMOST, spilled my coffee all over myself! Remind me not to drink anything while I am reading here! I am glad you are home safely! I’m from Chicago hun so not much scares me - not even in the country! lol!!!
June 26th, 2007 at 2:32 pm
R0TF! I am so sorry, Angel. I didn’t warn you about crickets because they don’t bite. Neither do the grasshoppers, but they can fly in your mouth and hair and be a horrid nuisance. I knew instantly that what you were talking about were crickets. You chose a time to visit Texas when we are under a grasshopper and cricket invasion. We’re so used to the crickets here that they don’t bother us. I live in the country and they sometimes get into the bathroom through the drain from the bathtub. That’s okay, my cats eat them. Yummy! LOL! I’m having hysterics here. I’m calling Walt in to read this post!
June 26th, 2007 at 3:20 pm
Hey Angel –
I grew up in the midwest and I still think crickets and critters are nasty. Ewww. Do you know what a June bug is? The nastiest of all I tell you! Here in WY, insects are not too bad.
I agree with Kevin. You can really tame snakes good with a hoe
June 26th, 2007 at 3:24 pm
Come on down here to Arizona, you ain’t seen nothin’ until you’ve come 2-3 feet from a gila monster……
San Antonio is cool, partly ’cause that’s where George Strait resides, hope you all enjoyed your trip!
June 26th, 2007 at 3:51 pm
I LOVE THE GREAT REPUBLIC OF TEXAS!
ever little thang is so much bigger in texas. and the people are just the greatest.
June 26th, 2007 at 4:13 pm
Kevin, wytammic…
Can you even say “Hoe” without getting into the same kind of trouble Don Imus did?
Oops, now I said it too.
June 26th, 2007 at 4:13 pm
But Texas is just Alaska’s little brother…
(having been born in Alaska I just had to say that)
June 26th, 2007 at 4:42 pm
Glad you’re back Angel, the big apple was not the same when u’r gone. I lived in Saints city, New Orleans many moons ago and the “black things” creeping and crawling on the pavement were so big that some people had leashes to walk them. You needed a first aid kit to clean up after stepping on them.. Something about the south and buggies.
June 26th, 2007 at 4:52 pm
I guess that proves what they say….
EVERYTHING IS BIGGER IN TEXAS…..MUCH BIGGER……
welcome back…….
June 26th, 2007 at 5:30 pm
Welcome Back!! Unfortunately, the crickets in my neck of the woods are a bit too big to squish with my foot…if you know what I mean.
June 26th, 2007 at 5:37 pm
Welcome back, Gal! Did you manage to get to Mi Tierra’s in the Market Square? The best Mexican Food and they are open 24 hours a day! The Riverwalk has some interesting places as well. Sorry about the crickets - I was actually thinking roaches (but NYC has roaches probably bigger than ours!!!). Crickets just make a racket when you’re trying to sleep. Refer back to the comment about ears and legs, etc.
Hope you had a wonderful vacation!
June 26th, 2007 at 5:48 pm
This southern gentleman certainly won’t make fun of you.
June 26th, 2007 at 6:17 pm
You didn’t mention the beverages you must have had before going to the court. So, ya wanna go snipe huntin’ Angel?
June 26th, 2007 at 6:27 pm
hehehe… I thought they were roaches too, the flying kind. I did a show in Little Rock, Arkansas and they were not only my roomies it was like an obstacle course walking to the theatre and back, at night.
Crickets aren’t fun to look at though, esp. when they can jump.
Welcome home!!
June 26th, 2007 at 7:16 pm
The biggest cockroach I ever saw, I saw in Texas. My friend’s cat used to kill them and bury them in the litterbox. Seriously.
We have loads of crickets here in Northern Virginia in the fall, but they’re not very big. Terribly noisy though. Forget it trying to sleep in a room with a cricket!
Of all the critters I saw in Texas, the scorpions worried me the most. Never go barefool in Texas!
June 26th, 2007 at 7:16 pm
PS: Welcome back, Angel! I missed ya.
June 26th, 2007 at 8:21 pm
[...] Read more at Angel [...]
June 26th, 2007 at 8:37 pm
Ya should have just covered ‘em in chocolate, and had a snack while whacking that bouncy ball.
June 26th, 2007 at 9:33 pm
lol thanks alls for the advice !..ha!
June 26th, 2007 at 10:05 pm
reading this post, and the “downpour” post, it sounds like you had a great time!
No, really, it does. Everyone needs a good vacation sometimes.
Nice to have you back blogging, though….
June 27th, 2007 at 10:15 am
They are the Texas alternative to clay birds, Angel… ain’t cha’ never done any “wing shootin’”, Girl?
June 27th, 2007 at 11:58 am
From “The Temple Of Doom:”
Maybe those are fortune cookies?
June 27th, 2007 at 1:40 pm
Hahahaha! Great post! Welcome home!
June 27th, 2007 at 4:48 pm
HAHAHAHAHA!!! Hope you didn’t trip on any of them!!!!